Two Lessons from Joseph Nguyen
“You are only ever one thought away from peace, love, and joy—which come from a state of non-thinking.”
I recently read two wonderful little books by Joseph Nguyen, Don't Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering, and Boundaries = Freedom: How To Create Boundaries That Set You Free Without Feeling Guilty.
The books have many insights. I have read several books on mindfulness and meditation, so I was surprised to find some ideas I had not considered or explored before. Here are two points that resonated with me:
The Thought is Not the Problem, Thinking About It is
I’ve written before about how thinking is the cause of anxiety and sadness. Thinking about the future produces anxiety, and dreading the past produces sadness. Bliss, peace, nirvana – all of these are experienced in the present, in a state of no mind or not thinking.
This book goes a little deeper into that. As Nguyen explains, the original thought itself isn’t the cause of these negative emotions, but the next-level thoughts about the thought are. Let me explain.
When you catch yourself in a negative emotional state, you also will notice your mind is wrapping itself around a thought, producing fears and anxiety about the thought. For example, the thought of a project being due tomorrow doesn’t produce the negative emotions. It’s the next thoughts, like how will i get it done? Will it be good? Etc that produce negative emotions.
“When we are gripped by negative emotions, it means that we believe what we are thinking. It is in this moment that we simply forgot where our experience comes from and that our thinking is the cause of our negative emotions.”
Understanding this is powerful, as breaking this thought pattern returns you to peace.
“If we know that we can only ever feel what we are thinking, then we know that we can change our feelings by changing our thinking.”
In fact, not only is the original thought not the cause of negative emotions, but that first thought is also a strong source of creativity and truth. Following these first thoughts, without twisting it around with obsessive thinking about it, can help clarify what you want and what path you should pursue.
“When we stop thinking, we don't stop having goals and dreams, we actually fall back into our true nature and begin to create goals and dreams out of inspiration versus desperation.”
Why We Should Say No More Often
I have always raised an eyebrow when I hear someone resolve to start saying “No” more often. It sounds to me like someone vocalizing a distorted view of how much they do for everyone around them.
But Nguyen’s book on boundaries helped me understand the purpose of this exercise. The purpose is to set boundaries and protect your time, space, and peace. By protecting these important resources, you are enabling yourself to pursue your dreams.
“Setting boundaries is not a selfish act that puts your needs before the needs of others, but an act of mindful love that recognizes that your needs are just as important as the needs of those around you.”
Enforcing your own boundaries can come into play in many circumstances, from romantic relationships, to work, to friendships. If something robs you of your energy, your peace of mind, and your most valuable asset – your time – you need to construct boundaries and enforce them.
“Setting boundaries is not a selfish act that puts your needs before the needs of others, but an act of mindful love that recognizes that your needs are just as important as the needs of those around you.”
Nguyen suggests making a list of things in your life that drain your energy. Then write a boundary statement that serves as a rule for what you will and will not do in that situation. That way, “when you encounter a situation where you must decide what to do, you’ll already have made the decision to protect your peace.”
I confess I’ve already enjoyed great pleasure this week in creating boundaries and enforcing them. And each time I do it, I notice I am creating more space for myself and for the things in life that bring me energy instead of draining it.
I was not familiar with Joseph Nguyen before I came across these two books through Instagram recommendations. I signed up for his newsletter and look forward to learning more from him.
Check him out here: https://josephnguyen.org/