Learning to Turn Fear Into Bravery
“Fear is good... fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do… The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”
Types of fear
I’ve seen it a thousand times.
Colleague A, “Frank”, throws a project at Colleague B, “Jane”. The project isn’t easy and the deadline is close. Jane might quietly accept the work, but internally she is stewing. Who the hell does Frank think he is? That idiot’s done it again.
It’s time to get even, through back-biting, gossip, complaining, and generating massive amounts of workplace toxicity. You can recognize this event when you see two colleagues off, down the long hall on their own, with one animated and the other in listen-and-nod mode.
Now, Frank might be a world-class as*hole. But does Jane recognize the role fear plays in her reaction and behavior?
Specifically, fear of failure. Jane has created an identity for herself and the outside world that she is a person that delivers high-quality work, on time. Frank’s request puts this identity at risk. As the anxiety sweeps in that her identity is in jeopardy, the need to pre-excuse her performance takes over. Jane needs to make it Frank’s fault.
Do we recognize fear when we feel it? What does it drive us to do, or worse, not do?
Most importantly: Is fear a signal we can use to enhance our lives?
In Jane’s situation, she likely doesn’t recognize it’s fear driving her behavior – it’s just dumb ol’ Frank, at it again.
But in other situations, people completely recognize their fear and use it as a reason not to act.
When I used to rock climb, people would tell me, “I can’t do that, I’m scared of heights.” My response was always something like, “So am I, that’s sort of the point.”
In this scenario, someone is fully aware of their fear and it blocks them from acting. But at least they are honestly recognizing their fears and choosing not to face them. This seems preferable to Jane’s approach.
Maybe rock climbing doesn’t matter to that person, but is that fear in other scenarios preventing them from acting? Is a similar fear keeping them from asking for a raise, speaking in public, or asking someone out on a date? We can quickly see how fear might stop someone from consequential, life-improving actions.
Going further, how do we get to the next step, as Stephen Pressfield suggests in the quote above, of using fear as an instrument to act?
That’s been on my mind a lot lately and what I am trying to navigate. It’s not unreasonable to think there is another level to this spectrum (or even multiple) with folks on the far end from Jane actually using fear as an instrument to accomplish amazing feats — literally breaking through all barriers. It’s easy to think of Alex Honnold or Kai Lenny as examples here.
Fear Spectrum:
Unrecognized Fear → Recognized and Avoided Fear → Recognized and Used as a Tool → Fearless?
Managing Fear
In my personal exploration, I am finding that once you consciously acknowledge the fear and then examine it, it loses its strength.
When I am in a situation where I start to feel anxiety rising in me, I focus closely on the physical sensation. It usually feels like a slight tension somewhere around my abdomen, and then a subtle energy or vibration on my skin. I feel a slight tingling around my hands, face, and the top of my head. That’s it.
In fact, it feels very similar to being cold. On a couple of occasions this winter, I felt an unusual sense of social anxiety creep in and then laughed realizing I wasn’t anxious, I just wasn’t wearing a jacket.
Understanding this already lessens fear's grip, as it reduces the experience to a mundane physical sensation.
I’ve also heard before that the only difference between fear and excitement is breathing.
So when I start to feel this sensation emerge, I take a couple of deep breaths and tell myself (out loud if no one is around), “I’m excited.” I’m finding this method at least puts a smile on my face, which seems to change my internal chemistry and help me move past the fear.
Much if not most of our suffering in life comes from avoidance. The coward dies a thousand deaths. How much could our lives improve if we could conquer our fears and have nothing to avoid? What if we use fear as a signal to ask for a raise, to volunteer to give a presentation, to ask someone out on a date?
Bringing it to bravery
“You’re not brave... men are brave”
Bravery can’t exist without fear. If you are fearless, you have nothing to overcome, hence taking action does not make you brave.
So, pulling this all together, here is:
Tom’s patented, step-by-step method for being brave:
Honestly identify your fear; don’t rationalize or obfuscate. Anger or hostility is a good indicator that underneath you are scared of something.
Recognize exactly what is causing your anxiety, and that the source is something you would benefit from pursuing.
Examine closely the physical sensation of fear. Noticing the feeling will lessen its meaning.
Transition fear into excitement by breathing and telling yourself you’re excited.
Act.
In my day to day, I am working on putting this into practice. When I feel a slight anxiety rising, I try to quickly notice it and follow this model.
So far, I also am seeing a lot of value in Pressfield’s observation. Addressing head on what is causing me anxiety seems to advance my interests quite well.
So onward I go, using muh noggin on my path to eternal glory.